Curiosity vs. Judgment: A Personal Journey Through Relationships
You know those moments when something just clicks, and you see your whole life in a new light? That happened to me recently when I stumbled upon an article on Curiosity vs Judgment by Frank Keck. It hit me like a ton of bricks, forcing me to take a long, hard look at how I interact with the people in my life - from my work team to my kids, siblings, ex, and friends. It's wild how differently I react when problems crop up with each of them.
With the people closest to my heart, I find myself genuinely curious. I want to dive deep into their minds and understand what makes them tick. But I'll be the first to admit, for those who've let me down or aren't in my inner circle, it's way too easy to slip into judgment mode. And let me tell you, that realization? It's been a real eye-opener.
Let's talk about work for a second. This whole curiosity vs. judgment has been a game-changer as a manager. I used to think building solid relationships with my team was all about trust. Don't get me wrong, trust is huge, but now I see it's also about knowing when to take a step back and ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions.
Leading a team through a tough project can feel like herding cats sometimes. There's so much to learn, and it can be overwhelming for everyone involved. I've seen team members nod and say "yes" when I know deep down they're drowning. It's my job to see through that, to figure out how each person deals with information overload.
I've learned the hard way that motivating people isn't one-size-fits-all. Some need constant check-ins, while others prefer to work independently. When I get it right, when I can help them work without stressing them out, that's when the magic happens. That's when we win as a team. It's not always easy, but man, is it worth it?
Now, being a mom to grown-up kids? That's a whole different ball game. They've got their ideas, their way of seeing the world. It would be so easy to judge their choices, especially when I don't agree with them. But I've made it my mission not to. Instead, I ask them what led them to their decisions. I want them to know, deep down in their bones, that they can always talk to me.
Is it always easy? Hell no. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue so hard I think it might fall off. But it's worth it to keep that connection strong. I've seen too many of my friends lose touch with their kids because they couldn't stop judging. I refuse to let that happen to us.
I'll be honest, though. With my ex-partner, I struggle. The hurt and betrayal have made me judgmental of his actions. I've lost that curiosity about what drives him. It's like a switch flipped, and now all I see are his faults. I know it's not healthy, but it's where I am right now. I'm working on it, trying to find that balance between protecting myself and not letting bitterness take over.
In general, though, I try hard not to judge people too quickly. Lord knows I've made my share of mistakes in life. Who am I to cast the first stone, right? I try to listen, to understand why people think the way they do. It's not always easy, but it makes for better relationships all around.
The article has taught me a lot about myself and how I interact with others. Here are some key takeaways I've picked up along the way:
Strive for balance: It's all about finding that sweet spot between curiosity and judgment in every relationship.
Be an adaptive leader: One management style doesn't fit all. Get to know your team members and tailor your approach to their needs.
Keep communication open: Create an environment where people feel safe asking questions and expressing concerns. It's amazing what you can learn when people feel heard.
Practice non-judgmental parenting: With adult kids, guide them by asking about their decision-making process rather than criticizing their choices. Trust me, it's a game-changer.
Stay self-aware: Recognize when past experiences are coloring your ability to be curious or empathetic. It's not always easy, but it's crucial.
Listen actively: Focus on understanding, not just waiting for your turn to speak. This is especially important in challenging relationships.
Never stop growing: Embrace self-reflection as a tool for personal and professional development. We're all works in progress, after all.
Build trust: Recognize that trust is the foundation of healthy relationship curiosity. Without it, judgment tends to take over.
Looking back, I can see how far I've come, but I also know I have a long way to go. This journey of balancing curiosity and judgment isn't a destination - it's a lifelong process. Some days I nail it, other days I fail spectacularly. But I keep trying, keep learning, keep growing.
So, here's my challenge: Next time you find yourself quick to judge, take a step back. Ask yourself, "What if I approached this with curiosity instead?" You might be surprised at what you discover - about others, and yourself.
